maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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