Pass out mid-funnel last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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