What did we do last night that was yellow?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
