Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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