I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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