I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
