I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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