Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
