WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Randomize
