Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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