Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
