I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
