i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
