Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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