can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize