Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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