If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fuck appropriateness.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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