he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
