He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
