I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
