My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
