ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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