he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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