Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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