I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize