Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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