Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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