He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
