Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
