the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
