If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
