his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What a dumb baby whore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
