THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
