well you can't waste a boner
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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