I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
