dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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