Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
