And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
