i just had sex bonerless
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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