I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My pussy is not your playground.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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