and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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