I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
