just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
