My underwear smells like fireworks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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