i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
