I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Rumble strips road head = magical
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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