Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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