If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
