im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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