And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
