He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
