I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
