remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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