My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
