I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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