I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
