one two three fourrrrnication!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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