what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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