On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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