yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize