I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
