if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
