Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
