Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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