My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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