Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
