Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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