Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Randomize
