The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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