Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
