I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
