'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
