Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
