she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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