She just used a chaser for red wine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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