thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
