I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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