I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
