what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
