I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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