need another drink. this is the easiest way
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
