her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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