you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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